Don’t let that hiccup get away!

That’s what an old aunt used to say. Actually I think she was more of a grand aunt, but I’ve never really figured out which branch of the family tree she hangs from.

My hiccups have an eerie habit of popping up just when I’ve taken a few gulps of water. They’re very polite, however. They wait till I’ve swallowed down the mouthful of water and then …hic….hic… out it comes. In a staccato. I discovered the trick to stopping them, entirely by chance. I found that if I didn’t let the last one escape and held it tight in my mouth it would stop resisting and then finally give in and ultimately stop.

In all fairness to them they’ve never embarrassed me in public, except for the time when Derek, the debate champion stood up in front of a crowd and pointing to me said, ‘there’s a ray of sunshine’, for no apparent reason. I was so dumbfounded that all I could do was give a loud hiccup of surprise. But then Derek was considered embarrassingly impulsive by those who have known him from the time he wore pink socks to kindergarten. It was rumoured that it was because he came of ‘strange’ stock and had reddish brown hair when he should’ve had black.

“Look at his parents. And their parents. Any sign of red in the hair?” Momi asked me stridently. I had to admit that there was no red at all. But the fact that it would lead to the conclusion of ‘strange stock’, seemed a little unfair. But then again, what did that really mean except for the fact that the tone of voice was generally lowered when it was mentioned, which could only mean it was unsavoury. Twirls of assumptions within larger twirls made the whole thing complicated and to be honest, exhausting.

I’ve often wondered how long I can hold on to the last hiccup and not let it escape. These days it is getting increasingly agitated and restive. Some would even say, rattled. But every time I clamp my mouth shut and hope that it doesn’t tunnel its way into my belly, I wonder if there’s a way of catching it as it leaps out. Because it’s always a good idea in life to have a plan B.