Shadows, memories and that nagging thought that refuses to go away

Shadows have always intrigued me. The ones that I encounter when I turn a corner are usually the friendliest, almost benign. The annoying ones are those that follow me around and slip away just when I turn my head. Occasionally, just to up the ante they leap out fully formed from my head ready to wrestle down other more productive thoughts so that I’m left wondering, what just happened? And then there are those that show up in the mirror. Turn around and they’re gone!

The ones that linger around are usually memories pretending to be shadows. Like my memories of my third grade teacher who used to mock and reprimand me so often that my feelings would curdle up inside me and then stay on as a sour taste in my mouth all day. To this day, the shadows that bother me the most are square and dark and of medium height.

My imaginary friend Vouz (I pronounce it  wooz), tells me that shadows are really us in a parallel universe. Since our conversations are usually one way I don’t know much about this idea, but the thought does indeed, sound very plausible. Since they’re made up of our thoughts and memories, what else could they be? Maybe in a parallel universe I continue to be tormented by a square and dark person or go on picnics with pleasant gargoyle like character. Ever since that thought has found acceptance within me I find shadows less bothersome….annoying yes, but nothing more.

But what really gets me and I just can’t seem to shake it off is that elusive thought that keeps gnawing away at the edge of my mind without revealing itself. I can’t swat it away and it just won’t let me hold it up to the light long enough for me to see what it is made up of. Memories? Disappointments? Unfulfilled dreams? Really…what is it and why won’t it let me see it properly? The day I grab it by the scruff of its neck and shake it hard will be a good day. Shadows are much easier to deal with, unlike pesky, malformed thoughts.